come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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