Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
