'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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