the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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