Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
