my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
