Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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