I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
