yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
