His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
