I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
