I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
