apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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