So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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