why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize