The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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