Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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