I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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