I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were trust falling into bushes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
