i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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