Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
