i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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