so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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