Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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