i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
