Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
