The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
