please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
