Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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