My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
