I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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