Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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