shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
