you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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