Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
