it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
