I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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