I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize