I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
