I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
