how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
