I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize