OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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