I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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