that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
