Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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