Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
