I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
