I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
