i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
