Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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