Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
