im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
