Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
