the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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