Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
