I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
