im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize