Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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