Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
