My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
