I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
