come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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