Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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