So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
