mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
