I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
