so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
