is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
