i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
