You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
