he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
