Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
