We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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