Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize