is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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