He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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