I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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