under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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