are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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