Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
