Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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