Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
