I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
