Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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