Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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