I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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