woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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