so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize