i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
