I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
