We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
