Your face is a jimmy john
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize