I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
