You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
