I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize