I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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